Ashley Merryman: Parenting Elementary School Kids

Brookwood School proudly welcomes award-winning journalist and author Ashley Merryman of NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children, as the first speaker in 2012-2013 4 to 14 Speaker Series: Parenting Elementary School Kids.  This is an event that every parent should attend to learn how successful parents and educators are helping their children find success in school and in life.

The Tuesday, October 9th lecture, which begins at 7 p.m. is open to the public, and tickets are $10. Click to purchase: Ashley Merryman.

In NurtureShock, Merryman and co-author Po Bronson, challenge modern, involved parenting’s most closely held beliefs and practices. At Brookwood, Merryman will discuss the many topics covered in Nurture Shock including:

• The “inverse power” of praise. Why “giving kids the label of ‘smart’ does not prevent them from underperforming - It might actually be causing it”.
• “Why our instincts about children can be so off the mark”
• “Why Kids Lie” or why modern involved parenting “has failed to produce a generation of angels”
• “The Sibling Effect – Why siblings really fight.”

According to the authors, praising children – for good grades, for a “good try,” for almost making that goal, for in fact nearly everything they do during an average day – is a pretty much a natural reflex for today’s attentive, concerned parents.  Most of us would agree that’s a good thing. 

Yet in light of the scientific studies Merryman and Bronson cite, it becomes clear those constant offerings of praise can actually undermine children’s adjustment and development. Merryman and Po Bronson explore cutting-edge child development and education research and argue “that when it comes to children, we've mistaken good intentions for good ideas.”

Through relatable anecdotes and stories and razor-sharp analysis, they show that “many of modern society's strategies for nurturing children are in fact backfiring – because key twists in the science have been overlooked.”

Bronson and Merryman's New York Magazine article from which NurtureShock grew (How Not to Talk to Your Kids: The inverse power of praise, February 2007) won the magazine journalism award from the American Association for the Advancement of Science, as well as the Clarion Award from the Association for Women in Communications. Their articles for Time Magazine won the award for outstanding journalism from the Council on Contemporary Families. 

After the publication of NutureShock, the two authored a column on Newsweek.com for several years and also covered the science of child development for Newsweek, New York, TIME and The Guardian. Merryman's work has additionally appeared in the Washington Post and The National Catholic Reporter and she has been a commentator on many national television and radio shows seen. Prior to her writing career, Merryman was a practicing litigation attorney and a speechwriter in the Clinton Administration.

Merryman lives in Los Angeles, where she has directed a small all-volunteer tutoring program for inner-city kids for 10 years. She earned a Bachelor of Fine Arts from the University of Southern California's School of Cinematic Arts, a J.D. from the Georgetown University's Law Center, and a Certificate in Irish Studies from Queen's University, Belfast, Northern Ireland.

The lecture begins at 7 p.m. and tickets are $10, $15 for the two-event series. Click to purchase: Ashley Merryman.

Tickets for the October 9 event are available at brookwood.edu and cost $10, $15 for the two event series.  

The second speaker for the 2012-2013 series is Dr. Brene Brown who will speak on the Power of Imperfect Parenting on April 8, 2013 at Brookwood School. Nationally known as a TED Talk all-star (her TEDxHouston talk on the power of vulnerability has over view five million views. Brown is a graduate school professor at the University of Houston and author and researcher on courage, vulnerability and shame. She has authored four books including the just released Daring Greatly as well as the best-seller The Gifts of Imperfection.

Buy tickets today for this rare opportunity to learn from one of our country’s most trusted parenting authorities on the subjects of children, parenting, and families. The event is open to the public, and area parents are invited and encouraged to attend. Purchase tickets online today.

Peterman's Post: News and Views from the Head of School
(September, 2012) Encouraging Children to be Responsible for their Own Successes -- Are we the "angel on our children's shoulder" when we offer them unconditional praise for their innate abilities?  Or are we unknowingly encouraging them to take the path of least resistance in school and in life and therefore mitigating their chances for success and happiness?  That is the question answered by Ashley Merryman in her best-selling book NurtureShock.   I encourage parents to come hear Ms. Merryman first-hand when she speaks to our community on October 9 as the first presenter in this year's 4 to 14 Speaker Series: Parenting Elementary School Kids.

As a parent, I know all too well the number of times I told my children that they were "smart" enough to know better, be better, do better.  The compliment was sincere and heartfelt and often came without provocation.  It seemed like the right thing to say, and if I said it enough, then my children would just come to understand that they indeed were smart and capable of handling anything thrown their way.  But the latest research is explaining why that may have not been such a great idea.  In their  2009 book, NurtureShock, Ashley Merryman and co-author Po Bronson compile extensive research to show the ways in which general praise for children can have unintended consequences.

At Brookwood, we believe that it is important to provide strategies for children to experience and overcome challenges.  We believe that persistence and resilience are the essential ingredients for success and happiness in school and in life.  Merryman tells us that when children are given general praise for being smart, it does not translate into building fearless confidence.  In fact, when children hear they are smart they will eventually turn away from things that do not come easily to them or bring them immediate success.  "Why spoil the image?"  Merryman explains, "The presumption is that if a child believes she is smart, she won't be intimidated by academic challenges.  The constant praise is meant to be an angel on the shoulder.

However, research shows that giving the label of smart does not prevent her from underperforming.  It may actually be causing it."  Some children may just give up if they feel as though they cannot not live up to the praise they have been given.  Other children may begin to act out when pushing "the praise button" no longer provides them with the amount of sustenance they desire.  Because they have not figured out how to self-motivate, they may turn to other means, such as cheating or tearing down the opposition in order to maintain their star image.

By working in partnership with our teachers, we hope that parents will explore the many ways in which we can encourage children to take responsibility for their own success in school and in life.  Attending parent/teacher education events like the 4 to 14 Speaker Series program on October 9 is another way for us to share a common understanding of the latest child development research.

Located on the Beverly-Manchester line just minutes from Route 128, Brookwood is a co-ed day school for students in grades Pre-K through 8. The address is One Brookwood Road, Manchester, MA.